Musings of A confused Teen

There are a gazillion reasons for me to be confused, and it is justified. Because I observe, I think and I believe.. Can't help it if it confuses me so much.

Is it OKAY to enjoy life while few of them are losing theirs every minute?

Is it accepted to laugh when a catastrophe has happened in some corner of the world?

Is it right to be sorry for yourself some times despite you having everything?

Are your pleasures real pleasures? Compared to those who have greater pleasures.

Are your sorrows worth your tears? Because somewhere there is a greater sorrow.

Is your life significant enough to talk about?

Are you good or bad? Are there rules for being sad or happy?

Who measures happiness? Is there a scale for sorrow too? 

What is good and what is great? Who defines this for you?

Can you define love or life? Are they definite? Are you infinite?

Do people lie to spread happiness? Does truth always triumph?

Am I important to anyone? Do people care? Humanity is alive?

OHMYGODDDDD! I seriously don't know the answer to any of these questions. But all I know is..

YES you are important, people do care and love. There are answers to every question, all you need to do is search. For each the answer might be different and that is why you can not cheat on this test. Your pleasures and sorrows are big, for you. Maybe no one else cares, but you do. You should. You are important to yourself, and make yourself proud. Only if you can impress yourself, you can impress another. Let us face it, all of us can not be all sacrificing beings, we can't stay away from desire. Because we are human, not supernatural, and nothing expects us to be supernatural. So it alright to face life however you want to face it, because unethical, immoral and against societal norms doesn't exist definitely. Have your own morals and ethics. Do good, be good! 

Cottoned Wounds

Fascinating I find these, large cottoned wounds
Because behind each there is an untold story
After that, there is a scar left behind for life
A scar which reveals the hidden anecdote...

Numb Peace

A desperation in my heart, pounding an extra beat every second
Blissful ignorance forgotten as my ears pay attention to detail
Like an artist who's giving a final touch to his masterpiece..
Detail, I hear the clock ticking and every second passing by
Detail, I hear a dog howling for meat taken away
Detail, I hear the pitter-patter raindrops on my balcony window pain
Too many details and so much of uncertainty, a feeling
Like it is the end.. Like I'm needed.. Like someone is calling
I sit down to complete the never-ending homework
But my mind is elsewhere, desperate and waiting
Waiting for a call, waiting for it to end..
I heave in want for some peace, I wait for this moment to pass
I wait, I wait and I wait.. But peace is not felt. Peace will never come back
Like long lost love, like dead art, like happy bright skies.....
Peace will never come back.. but I still wait, I wait and I wait..

Too much love to contain

There sat a box on the chair behind the neat table top
The box I called a secret box, a box which held everything
Everything: answers, beauty, words, joy and love
Cultural differences bound us together
Hardships and books defined our moments..
This box I know is the girl I feel
Feel the warmth and the welcome-ness
Sharing thoughts like a telepathic twin
Bearing words like a beautiful queen
On its top were beautiful pearls
Adorning this girl like her perfect smile
Childish gibberish to imitate another
Speaking carefully as the audience is larger
This box which carries answers for me
Is carried to debates like an essential tool
Likely to be socially awkward, this box
Steals hearts and stirs thoughts whenever it talks
Yes, this box is magic I must say
Because it contains so much of joy
Trapped in a school where ideas are small
This pretty little box stays embraced somehow
Love, this box teaches me like the girl
The girl who believes that she is the best
Maybe the moments of comfort on her shoulder might be forgotten
Maybe the moments of craziness of nonsense might fade away
But what will remain is that wonderful box
As a package of what I need and what I want.....

Tiptoeing silence

Dull afternoon light peeps through the silk curtained window panes
Falling right upon the little books that kill boredom by stirring emotions
Soulful music ever-running in the head with the picture of a romantic dinner
But all around, there is a quietness and an emptiness of unsatisfied expectations
Bright colours of innocence lost in pain of silent laughter
Like careless drooling babies on their mother's shoulder
Toe nails painted in bright red trying to make a failed gesture of grace
A bold, beautiful teenager's room whose essence is lost in loneliness
Dreaming down the memory lane, she believes in fairylands and water babies
Fraternizing thoughts of authors and poets that deflate her undaunted opinions
In her large, soft cusioned, comfortable bedroom.. She hears silence tiptoe into her mind

First day mornings at libraries

Childish gestures in a library covered with newspapers
Soulless morning blues of coming back to school echoing in broken mother tongue
Composure of the daylight lost in teachers, bright laptop screens flashing on rose bathed faces
Today morning the air is different.. A friend astonished by news about the typhoon
Broken, shattered glass pains two streets away make no sense
Wrapped in our own thoughts and worlds, wriggling and struggling through a long never ending life
We all sit around the library tables to grow into beasts inside with a smile to fool the world
In the reckless age of broken hearts and shattered dreams..
What else can you expect from a novel-less library? What else can you expect from a life which lacks stories?

Sister, for you

Reminiscing those nights we spent together curled up in soft overcrowded beds, having our endless talks under the thin lined blankets, it is hard to believe that you are twenty now.. Too old to be naive too young to be stern.. The moments of breathtaking incidents, how we felt so much for each other, that your pain was mine and mine yours.. Sisters by blood but friends for a lifetime. You're my basket of secrets and my memory of childhood. You're my bundle of happiness and an epitome of strength. You're everything I need to make believe that life is worth living, you're an inspiration, a heartbeat and everything beyond. Miles apart we might be, distances counted in words.. but I carry you in me, sister, in my heart and dreams. You've looked after me right from when I was baby who didn't know language, to a sweet child without reason, to a beautiful bold personality. I can not repay you in money nor in words, everything is weak when it comes to you. I know we've done mistakes, I know we've fallen, but I know you are there for me, and I am here for you, anytime and everywhere. Affectionate nights of passionate dream frames.. I remember looking up at you then. You may have not taught me to be extraordinary but you taught me something greater, to just be ME. On your birthday, I want to tell you that without you I wouldn't have a direction. I am not thanking you, it was your duty. You're my sugarcandy and I love you too much! Stay strong. Stay beautiful. Stay forever your naughty, adorable, and silly self! Oh! How could I forget, I used to never be a part of your mischief. Heartbreaker! Teaming up against me, playing games I never could understand. You've been your share of mean too. No complaints! You're my sister, you've got the right, haven't you? I badly wish I was with you, I don't like this unwanted separation. See you soon, dii! By The Way, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! 

Lost

Ice-cream candies and coke bottles lay in front of us as we welcome the night

Like beautiful green trres shading off their leaves in mid-autumn

Moist palms feel the hot skin on bare shoulders which shudder

Heads lay rested upon the cushioned chair and eyes shut tight with memories to capture

As the silence grew inside us in the cold dining hall, they chatter and clutter to wile away time

Amongst this crowd of made up masked faces, I sit in a lonely corner bundled in thoughts

Through the window I see the dew drops on the petals of a rose and look back into the room

Hardly two years had passed but this distance had never felt so real.. Promises for a forever never felt so fake

All these familiar smiles and laughter of innocence drops a pin of unknown silence in my ears

The interlocution of theirs intermingles thoughts like mother and child through a lonely long night

Hidden truth, broken dreams, empty souls lay bare in the party tonight like songs lifelessly sung aloud

An easy life this was for us, hiding the truth and sorrow in smiles like casing bloody scars under a scarf

As loving colours and caring hues pass the sky in a wavelength unknown, we all feel lost inside.. 

We all feel lost......

You :)

The guy I know today, met me two years ago as complete stranger. Nothing more than a senior he was. Annoying and lameeee, like I felt everyone else was, in that school. But when we actually got to know each other, differences were realised and it all merged into the same bittersweet love-hate for the school. He belonged to the school for all his life, and I hated the school and everything about it, right from the beginning. But what makes you love, more than people? No, I did not love him. I started to love the people around me, the school still remained pathetic and silly. Things eventually grew better. We used to have talks late into the night and believe that secrets between us were like pearls hidden in oysters. He told me a heartbreaking story, but he never seemed hurt. Hardly angry, silly, passionate, math geek, friend, brother, caring, loving.. He had everything in him. And one fine day, he left. He left everything behind. He walked out of school, happy and satisfied. He lost love, but that never made him cry, he cherished moments of joy with her and moved on. Moved on to being one of the most perfect people I know. Today he is going, away from this country, away from me, away from us.. But he shall always remain, in my heart. Because he made me smile a many times, he made me feel loved, many time, he liked me with no reason at all, and hated no one. To you dearest friend, I must say, you are an inspiration. Where ever you go, and whatever you do in life, keep inspiring people. Keep loving! Keep smiling! :) Happy LIFE!

To Abed, With Loads and Loads of Love.

The character that sketched a world of fantastic and made me believe in reality beyond reality, Abed. Community is one of the BEST shows ever! And Abed is one amongst the best characters ever. Everything about the character makes me wonder whether life with so much seriousness is worth living or not? Because beyond all this work and pressure, at the end of the day, when you hit the bed, all you can think of is a world of fantasy. And this world of fantasy, though put across to me in many ways, only made sense when it came from Abed. His dreamatorium, where everything was just in his head and he imagined playing games which for him, was beyond the real, but yet real. This character made me believe that imagination is where beauty lies, and beauty is indefinite. Abed, whose reactions are blank and whose comments are wondrous and whose humour is completely blunt and to whose imagination I could dedicate a lifetime to understand! All this makes him one of the most loved and adored characters ever. To believe in dreams and detest separation from friends by him, with not a freckle of bad thoughts in him, he taught me to live a life of sheer pleasure, and trivial worries. And even if there is Evil Abed, the Good one always takes over, because at the end of the day, we are all nice people, right? And we love and hate because it is a part of being human. Community was a show with so many lessons for me. Friendship, love, relationships, groups, schooling, studies, challenges, debating culture, and above all a show with such insignificant situations dealing with the Small Things in life but these Small Things can actually contribute a great bit in teaching humanity. So to all the love I have for Community and to All The Love I Have For Dearest Abed, cheers :)