Mission Random Acts of Kindness

As random as this title might sound, it lead to an important revelation. At least for myself. When I was a child, I used to be the happiest in the family and everyone loved me because I spread happiness just by saying nice, true things about people or just because of the radiance that I spread through a sweet,innocent,eye-sparkling smile. And then I grew up, to shrink and hold bitterness in, to please myself more than I pleased others, and I always had someone to blame.

I was told yesterday that I wasn't sweet, I wasn't nice. That my smile held bitterness in it, and my words adorned sarcasm. Though I pretended to disagree with the fact that I was rude, I knew in heart of hearts, that I was blunt,arrogant,straight-forward and scornful. But I have always been open to criticism. Someone asked me to tell them about all the kind things I had done yesterday, and surprisingly I had nothing to tell them. Did this highlight the fact that I wasn't amiable and that I was very rude? That I wasn't kind to anybody in the last 24 hours?

Today, I went out of my way to be kind. My mother was sick and tired, she asked me to help her in the kitchen and I did. In fact, I helped like I did never before. I cut vegetables for her, I didn't let her run around the house to answer door bells or phone calls, I cleaned up the table, did my bed neatly to please my father when he came home. I played music for my mother, spoke to her for long because she told me she felt lonely, spoke to my hospitalized grandfather and reassured him a hundred times, that he will be back home soon. I was being polite, nice, sweet, kind. I did all of this and it felt good, but I always had this running at the back of my mind, that I had to complete my 5 random acts of kindness. It was like a mission in a video game, to go to the next level.

But then, to my own surprise, I was extra nice to my brother. He is someone I usually go beyond the possible to be rude to, to hurt, to depress. Like every second of my time spent with him, should count as revenge for my childhood. But today, I did not try to hurt him, I supported him, and this also felt good. It had indeed been a long time since I saw my brother as my actual brother. A brother to love, to relish childhood memories with, to speak to, to understand. I always blamed him for my bitterness, but I did not today. He had changed, he had become a better person. He, who I blamed all along, is now better than me. And this did not feel good.

And when I think of it now, it doesn't matter to me whether I complete this mission or not. I felt nice and I lost count of the good things I did today. Maybe it became a habit because I practiced it with all my heart, maybe I learnt something new today: to be kind. Or maybe I am nice everyday, I just don't keep a track of it. Maybe, just maybe, it comes to me naturally and at the back of my head, I am still my mother's token of happiness, I am still what my mother called me, "A lively, bubbly girl who spreads love and happiness wherever she goes." I have forgiven people for horrible mistakes, I have apologised if I was wrong, I have felt guilty and have punished myself too. Random acts of kindness are random, and so you don't need to count them, because they are in you, because we are human beings who sympathize, understand and love unconditionally.

I might have failed this mission, but I understood, that this wasn't a mission, this was a way to discover a side of me which I was unaware of, or rather forgot about.