Have always.

I have always hidden myself like muffled thoughts over tea, a warm breeze on cold night, calling myself a pun, an allegory.
I have always run away like rustling leaves on autumn evening, a memory undone last season, much like an unknown love, a maybe.
I have always tripped over little secrets which, like those lyrics that stay jammed between choruses.
I have always over felt like a touch-me-not. I guess that is why they curl in, they represent the theory of introverts.
I have always sent you away in a wish, but you come back as an apology. Blank, sorry, and regretful.
But I have never ceased to love. I can feel nothing, do nothing, stay away, cry, crib, run away, hide myself, trip over, fall on my face, send you away; but never stop loving.
I have always wanted to learn how not loving felt like, why can't I?

Happiness in Disguise

Cold fingers of mine brush against the warm steel railing
I wonder why the steel railing is so hot, when the whether is pleasant
I look at an old lady coughing out bitterness as she is pulled down the slope in a wheelchair. Her wrinkled skin, the lost rosiness of her cheeks called for love, just a little love.
Standing still, giving her space, staring blankly ahead I reassure myself that I had to go ahead
The tired sloppy security guard checked my father as I walked inside hesitantly
Everything suddenly lost colour, all I could see was white with specks of random colours indicating life to my blurred eyes
Hastily I turn either side to observe an old woman shrinking and cradling herself in her own arms.. Her loved ones seem too busy settling bills and checks, ignoring her child-like need.
A young boy whose burning red eyes express his need for the plastic wrapped 2 centimetre tablets..
Breaking from this image and the insane spinning of my head, I hear my father call out my name
I run after him, thinking this will help me escape the pain, the vibes of craving needs which I can never fulfill.
Walking up the stairs, I see guards, patients, relatives, doctors, nurses, maids run past me.. Everyone seemed to be in a hurry while my life was freezing, coming to a halt, a pause where expressions are but blank and white. Just one colour. The colour of sorrow,pain,loneliness,need. White, just white. The funny thing about white is it is every other colour, but yet lifeless. I love white,but now I didn't. It connoted too much to handle.
As I walked down the empty hallway into a room, my grandfather lay there, grinning at my presence. My grandmother growing smaller providing space,but lifeless. Tired she was,of all the people. Of the single colour, I assumed. But suddenly, cheer spread in the room, as we sat down to talk. Happiness had seeped through the heavy cement walls,somehow. The place I grew to hate,became a home,because my family was here. Happiness had found its way back to me. It is like a weird relationship I have with Her,Happiness. She is looming around me in disguised forms, but I recognise her,always.
I bid my goodbyes,and take the lift this time. I don't look around, I just look ahead. I only saw the railing. The steel railing, and everything fell into place. The steel railing was hot, not because of the sorrow, not because of the danger, but because of the warmth. The warmth of humanity holding on to it. Because in hospitals,no matter how sad a place it is,love grows in leaps and bounds,and happiness will always find her way.

Shades of Happiness

Bold strokes of Winsor across the canvas, blended with a tinge of Zinc and dark hues of Sap for the shadows. This patch of Green making the bottom of the painting..

These colours intermingle, like Orange and Scarlet during an amiable sunset.

Cobalt and Flake White are dabbed into the cold, colourless background. The sky now looks cloudy as if it was soon gonna rain. The dabbing so magical that it looks real.

A streak of warmth is surprisingly added, as rays of the Cadmium Yellow sun are pulled down from the canvas' corner.

The lonesome, lifeless painting brightens up, like warm Red-Ochre afternoon sunlight breaking in through the window. A crawling, curious boy is painted, his Rosy cheeks and Hazel eyes perfectly done to reflect the Carrot Orange sunlight hitting his face. The fusion of Burnt Sienna and Yellow Ochre match his full sleeved shirt to his overgrown hair.

A slash of Iridescent White shaped into a goose with a Golden beak, the colour echoed by its webbed feet. Shades of Grey are let to grow into the White, giving the goose its healthy volume. The eyes are done, at last, with a spot of Ivory Black.

The painting glows, and the ambitious painter looks at it. It was done! A masterpiece! A few tints of different shades, and happiness is painted. Every colour has its implication, but a painting gives each one a new meaning every time it is used. Every hue is a shade of happiness, either now or later, embrace it, always.

Footprints I carry

Frivolous December mornings, a year back, recalled
Memory flashing bright, the time of holiday
Careless bright colours adorning shapeless bodies
Happiness like birthday balloons floating in air
A teenager, the snow on her red hushed faces
A cotton coat too slight for a snowy white morning
Numb fingers feel the icy cold walls and trembling fingers
Struggling to make the slightest movement of an inch
As she gently lay her fingers on the snowman
That her overexcited sister made
She started to feel the essence of the cold, its beauty
And she laid down on the snow as the sun broke in
Filling the silvery essence with bold hues of red..

Life is like this, As quickly as something grows onto you
Another breaks in, too tough to realise, too easy to like..

Cold in Warmth

The afternoon warmth wrapping her up in softness of sleep
Toes crammed in and bundled up she sits in bed
After the storm last night, everything had changed
Her eyes liquefied in tears like blobs of sorrow
Her slender fingers hold her knees close to her face
The floral printed bed cover absorbs the wetness of her tears
And she weeps into her arms like she owned nothing but him
The hollowness in her soul reflects the beauty of togetherness
Worn out by separation and destruction
Curled up in a warm clothed sweater
She sits up feeling nothing but the cold while it was so warm..

To Abed, With Loads and Loads of Love.

The character that sketched a world of fantastic and made me believe in reality beyond reality, Abed. Community is one of the BEST shows ever! And Abed is one amongst the best characters ever. Everything about the character makes me wonder whether life with so much seriousness is worth living or not? Because beyond all this work and pressure, at the end of the day, when you hit the bed, all you can think of is a world of fantasy. And this world of fantasy, though put across to me in many ways, only made sense when it came from Abed. His dreamatorium, where everything was just in his head and he imagined playing games which for him, was beyond the real, but yet real. This character made me believe that imagination is where beauty lies, and beauty is indefinite. Abed, whose reactions are blank and whose comments are wondrous and whose humour is completely blunt and to whose imagination I could dedicate a lifetime to understand! All this makes him one of the most loved and adored characters ever. To believe in dreams and detest separation from friends by him, with not a freckle of bad thoughts in him, he taught me to live a life of sheer pleasure, and trivial worries. And even if there is Evil Abed, the Good one always takes over, because at the end of the day, we are all nice people, right? And we love and hate because it is a part of being human. Community was a show with so many lessons for me. Friendship, love, relationships, groups, schooling, studies, challenges, debating culture, and above all a show with such insignificant situations dealing with the Small Things in life but these Small Things can actually contribute a great bit in teaching humanity. So to all the love I have for Community and to All The Love I Have For Dearest Abed, cheers :)

Escape

Tonight, let the moon light up the sky
Let beauty grow into hearts and minds
Let us crave for a nowhere-no-mans land
And bury our thoughts in shadows dark

Let us run away to the mountains high
And sing in our heads the hymns of life
Let us go in search of nature wild
And risk our lives to joy of a free-fall

All the ego and all the pride,
All the greed just be left behind
Let us live and breathe a life of no care
And know the answers to the love unspoken

Let the echos of rivers be bold and the best
And the beauty of being conquer the quest
Let the truth untold be repeated again
And imperfection be the lesson taught

Let us realise that life is not a race
And let go of everything held on to
Let us let the images of fantasies flash
And sit back and relax, as life passes away slowly.....

Moments of Desire

Kisses of roses on her delicate cheeks
Swirls of laughter under the mauve clouds
Two cups of coffee perfecting the mood
With pointless talks about beauty and the fall
Sun burnt skin lay upon the armrest
Stolen glances and beautiful smiles
Glitters and sparkles of dreams on the moon
Mouthwatering delicacies of a favorite afternoon
Dim florecent lights across the roads
Stared at with hope and glow
Cherishing every moment of it
The silence in their hearts overcome
As the mood of cheer and pomp slowed
The endless laughter took its giant leap
To the graceful movements of the leaves..
So the pages of life flew across them
As perfection of being was realised......