A dove flying away,again.

Their voice,like nails on a chalkboard 

A never ending slow song with repetitive chaos

The pain, the agitation, the fiery eyes glare at me

The foul mouth,the scowling faces aiming right where it hurts the most 

I look from face to face, for calmness and composure

From eyes to eyes, for love and sympathy

From lip to lip, for care and cheer

And I fall hard on my face, there is no celebration

There is no happiness, just frustrated minds

In foreign bodies, wanting to break away

From a silly bond called family

A family where not every letter stands for togetherness

A family where lies,screams,scars make memories

I can't sing tonight, the melodious old tunes

Of my heart which is thrilled to bits

The concrete pillars are too large to hug

I reach out to the wall,like it has invisible arms to caress me

Failed attempts drag me to a side,a place no one knows

I only weep, in the corner of this rich household

The warm blobs of tears flow into my pillow

The wetness of the soft cotton against my skin

Is soothing.. But I can't cry in peace

Because they won't let me be alone

Bound by the walls of hatred: closing in

With the harsh words echoing, calling me 'torture'

A home with only hostility,the worst place for joy

They are screaming,throwing things at each other

Breaking screens of expensive gadgets

They are also breaking hearts,do they know?

Hearts that can not be fixed,a heart which will fear forever.

A knife piercing right through my heart

A weakness,a sorrow,an unimaginable pain

The dancing shadows of peace escapes my side

As I find peace tonight,inside blankets not dry

2014, here I come.

The undying smooth taste of numerous pizzas
Melting on the tip of tongue, when I try to speak

Blush of playing Nora in my first drama ever
The lead role, holding a play together

Unfinished classics and relished romans
Whose covers bringing flashing memories instantly
Lie in corners of my room, undisturbed

Mushy diaries, gooey photo frames
Staring at me with lost childhood innocence

A wardrobe still filled with three-fourth pjs
Not making a difference to my shabby look

Memories too many to remember.. Too important to forget, I look back at the year and think my last thoughts. Why do we celebrate new years? Why birthdays? Why anything? Isn't life an eternal journey? There is no end, until your last breath. Why bid goodbyes? Life goes on, if you are strong enough, you will stay on too. I will still have pizzas this year, the memory of being Nora remains, the classics will still not be done, maybe because they are boring, or maybe because they are too real, the essence of living inside the covers of a story will be regained if I reach out to the book once more, my diaries will remain in the desk,untouched until the sudden rush of nostalgia, the wardrobe is never changing. Then what do I bid goodbye to? A year? With dates? I didn't understand, until now.

I turn to see 2013 as a year and it seems beautiful. A journey from January 1st to December 31st. Everyday had its ups and its downs. Moments where I felt hollow and the feeling of nothingness, emptiness, moments where words couldn't describe happiness,infinity,beauty,randomness,new people,grins,jokes,love. So much love. I am not bidding goodbye to these moments, I'm bidding adieu to the grin on seeing my friends surprise me on my 17th, to the warm hugs on favorite afternoon, to the random thoughts that I might never think of ever again, to the spray of magic. Magic that 2013 brought to me. Yes, 2014 will have the warm hugs,new surprises,and new thoughts, but surely not the same ones 2013 had. Right? And so I sing farewell,to the best and the worst of my life. Because memories last forever,there is no eraser to wipe it off. I'm glad they stay on. I'm glad I can still live with my memories.

So 2014, come in whichever colour you want, I will accept you. You're a year which will transform me,like 2013 did. Like every year does. No, you're not special, you never will be. No YEAR is. People are special, memories are special, books are special, movies are special, this journey is special, not the date, not the time, not the year. You 2014, yes you, keep coming and going, you fade away, but I'm forever. You'll just be phase,a time in history, like all the other years, but me? I'm beyond forever, because I will be remembered.

The Symphony of Love and Words.

Words. These tiny little things which start from less than two letters each, mean so much to me. The ones I utter a little less than a thousand times, some times a boring repetition, some times a giant lifeless speech, some times too little meaning too much and some times nothing at all. Just nothing. No words.

A space, on this couch. A distance between what is and what can be. This distance because of the lack of words, the lack of interesting things to say. Love surpassing words, the love of words crumbling. Where one half of me is defined by these words, this blog, and this space, where some people just know me because of these words, because of this part of me, there is another part of me. A silent one. A one that believes that glory lies after silence, that distances are too wide to be filled. A silence after a storm of emotions. Emotions: Love,love,love,hate,respect,anger,happiness,sorrow,heartlessness. A silence so chaotic that it is hard to escape. A silence killing a relationship,but holding it together. A silence being so contradictory to itself each time. A silence which followed too many words.

Words that created characters, words that destroyed a few, words that made me fall in love, words that enhance the freshness of a new found love, words that brought us together, words that were lived up to, words that I broke to pieces I can never put together, words that started to mean so much to me, words that left your side once we got old.

I am not giving up these words, for anything. For me words are love, love is but words. Words that I need to give more space to. They need my sunshine, they need my presence. Words of mine are destined for too much,much more than what I give them today.

Seashore.

Orange hued brisk rays of sun reflect off the crystal clear water surface
Butter smooth skin stroked, long artistic fingers intertwined
Sitting lovelorn at the quiet seashore, the humid wind tactile across my bare back
My face buried in his arms, lost somewhere in the warmth of his chest
Caressing me safely, like an oyster does to its diamond precious
He twiddles my curly black streaked tresses as I cuddle to see his hazel eyes
He hadn't let go of my sweaty palm yet, like this feeling was our last fondle
His lips smiled, the reassuring one again, that kills my selfish pain
I broke contact and looked at the palpable evening waves, the shimmering ripples
As he cupped my face with his hands, he whispered in an almost inaudible voice..
"However deep and far stretched the sea decides to go..
It will come back hitting the shore, because here's where it belongs.
We are like the sea and the shore, if you are the sea, I am your shore.
I will run along your longest stretch and never get tired. And if I am the sea,
you are my shore, my home, my love. I will come back to you,always.
Till death do us apart." Saying this, he kissed my worried forehead.
And together,maybe for the last time,we danced sundown
Too close,too loved. One,like we were always. One.

Forever and beyond.

For times we found hard to let go

For dreams too sugar-sweet to forget

For whispers in husky voices across a classroom

For suppressed excitement in velvet glittery eyes

For wide smiles we fail to capture

For sun-burnt cheeks reflecting the lovers' blush

For soaked eyes in times of fear

For suffocating hugs too warm with emotions

For broken promises and shattered bonds

For short naps in math classes

For dark insults now cliched

For arms protecting the other

For memories like chalk powder all over the floor

For lunches like ink stains sticking on forever

For sarcasm wrapped in every joke

For EVERYTHING that you guys have given me

For every moment we spent till its end

I fall short of words, because what you have given me are like rose petals that may fade away,dry up and fall apart,but if I hold them together, they'll be with me forever.Like all of you.

Mission Random Acts of Kindness

As random as this title might sound, it lead to an important revelation. At least for myself. When I was a child, I used to be the happiest in the family and everyone loved me because I spread happiness just by saying nice, true things about people or just because of the radiance that I spread through a sweet,innocent,eye-sparkling smile. And then I grew up, to shrink and hold bitterness in, to please myself more than I pleased others, and I always had someone to blame.

I was told yesterday that I wasn't sweet, I wasn't nice. That my smile held bitterness in it, and my words adorned sarcasm. Though I pretended to disagree with the fact that I was rude, I knew in heart of hearts, that I was blunt,arrogant,straight-forward and scornful. But I have always been open to criticism. Someone asked me to tell them about all the kind things I had done yesterday, and surprisingly I had nothing to tell them. Did this highlight the fact that I wasn't amiable and that I was very rude? That I wasn't kind to anybody in the last 24 hours?

Today, I went out of my way to be kind. My mother was sick and tired, she asked me to help her in the kitchen and I did. In fact, I helped like I did never before. I cut vegetables for her, I didn't let her run around the house to answer door bells or phone calls, I cleaned up the table, did my bed neatly to please my father when he came home. I played music for my mother, spoke to her for long because she told me she felt lonely, spoke to my hospitalized grandfather and reassured him a hundred times, that he will be back home soon. I was being polite, nice, sweet, kind. I did all of this and it felt good, but I always had this running at the back of my mind, that I had to complete my 5 random acts of kindness. It was like a mission in a video game, to go to the next level.

But then, to my own surprise, I was extra nice to my brother. He is someone I usually go beyond the possible to be rude to, to hurt, to depress. Like every second of my time spent with him, should count as revenge for my childhood. But today, I did not try to hurt him, I supported him, and this also felt good. It had indeed been a long time since I saw my brother as my actual brother. A brother to love, to relish childhood memories with, to speak to, to understand. I always blamed him for my bitterness, but I did not today. He had changed, he had become a better person. He, who I blamed all along, is now better than me. And this did not feel good.

And when I think of it now, it doesn't matter to me whether I complete this mission or not. I felt nice and I lost count of the good things I did today. Maybe it became a habit because I practiced it with all my heart, maybe I learnt something new today: to be kind. Or maybe I am nice everyday, I just don't keep a track of it. Maybe, just maybe, it comes to me naturally and at the back of my head, I am still my mother's token of happiness, I am still what my mother called me, "A lively, bubbly girl who spreads love and happiness wherever she goes." I have forgiven people for horrible mistakes, I have apologised if I was wrong, I have felt guilty and have punished myself too. Random acts of kindness are random, and so you don't need to count them, because they are in you, because we are human beings who sympathize, understand and love unconditionally.

I might have failed this mission, but I understood, that this wasn't a mission, this was a way to discover a side of me which I was unaware of, or rather forgot about.

Happiness in Disguise

Cold fingers of mine brush against the warm steel railing
I wonder why the steel railing is so hot, when the whether is pleasant
I look at an old lady coughing out bitterness as she is pulled down the slope in a wheelchair. Her wrinkled skin, the lost rosiness of her cheeks called for love, just a little love.
Standing still, giving her space, staring blankly ahead I reassure myself that I had to go ahead
The tired sloppy security guard checked my father as I walked inside hesitantly
Everything suddenly lost colour, all I could see was white with specks of random colours indicating life to my blurred eyes
Hastily I turn either side to observe an old woman shrinking and cradling herself in her own arms.. Her loved ones seem too busy settling bills and checks, ignoring her child-like need.
A young boy whose burning red eyes express his need for the plastic wrapped 2 centimetre tablets..
Breaking from this image and the insane spinning of my head, I hear my father call out my name
I run after him, thinking this will help me escape the pain, the vibes of craving needs which I can never fulfill.
Walking up the stairs, I see guards, patients, relatives, doctors, nurses, maids run past me.. Everyone seemed to be in a hurry while my life was freezing, coming to a halt, a pause where expressions are but blank and white. Just one colour. The colour of sorrow,pain,loneliness,need. White, just white. The funny thing about white is it is every other colour, but yet lifeless. I love white,but now I didn't. It connoted too much to handle.
As I walked down the empty hallway into a room, my grandfather lay there, grinning at my presence. My grandmother growing smaller providing space,but lifeless. Tired she was,of all the people. Of the single colour, I assumed. But suddenly, cheer spread in the room, as we sat down to talk. Happiness had seeped through the heavy cement walls,somehow. The place I grew to hate,became a home,because my family was here. Happiness had found its way back to me. It is like a weird relationship I have with Her,Happiness. She is looming around me in disguised forms, but I recognise her,always.
I bid my goodbyes,and take the lift this time. I don't look around, I just look ahead. I only saw the railing. The steel railing, and everything fell into place. The steel railing was hot, not because of the sorrow, not because of the danger, but because of the warmth. The warmth of humanity holding on to it. Because in hospitals,no matter how sad a place it is,love grows in leaps and bounds,and happiness will always find her way.

Papercuts.

Buttercup memories of yellow lit nights
Growing upon each of us magically
The wasted pain in every syllable of laughter
Wondrously vanishes as we drive through

The chilly air kissing our bare tanned skin
Reminiscing an afternoon of floating feather light
Affording to lose a little precious time
We stand interlacing thoughts apart wide
Closely we hold on, counting each breath
Because we know that after all
We aren't peas of the same pod
Love isn't found in a hopeless place
We are but paper cuts on each other
Meagre but painful and impressive
Colour changing but short-lived
No matter how long we stay together
We are different, each have anew way to go....

Shades of Happiness

Bold strokes of Winsor across the canvas, blended with a tinge of Zinc and dark hues of Sap for the shadows. This patch of Green making the bottom of the painting..

These colours intermingle, like Orange and Scarlet during an amiable sunset.

Cobalt and Flake White are dabbed into the cold, colourless background. The sky now looks cloudy as if it was soon gonna rain. The dabbing so magical that it looks real.

A streak of warmth is surprisingly added, as rays of the Cadmium Yellow sun are pulled down from the canvas' corner.

The lonesome, lifeless painting brightens up, like warm Red-Ochre afternoon sunlight breaking in through the window. A crawling, curious boy is painted, his Rosy cheeks and Hazel eyes perfectly done to reflect the Carrot Orange sunlight hitting his face. The fusion of Burnt Sienna and Yellow Ochre match his full sleeved shirt to his overgrown hair.

A slash of Iridescent White shaped into a goose with a Golden beak, the colour echoed by its webbed feet. Shades of Grey are let to grow into the White, giving the goose its healthy volume. The eyes are done, at last, with a spot of Ivory Black.

The painting glows, and the ambitious painter looks at it. It was done! A masterpiece! A few tints of different shades, and happiness is painted. Every colour has its implication, but a painting gives each one a new meaning every time it is used. Every hue is a shade of happiness, either now or later, embrace it, always.

Footprints I carry

Frivolous December mornings, a year back, recalled
Memory flashing bright, the time of holiday
Careless bright colours adorning shapeless bodies
Happiness like birthday balloons floating in air
A teenager, the snow on her red hushed faces
A cotton coat too slight for a snowy white morning
Numb fingers feel the icy cold walls and trembling fingers
Struggling to make the slightest movement of an inch
As she gently lay her fingers on the snowman
That her overexcited sister made
She started to feel the essence of the cold, its beauty
And she laid down on the snow as the sun broke in
Filling the silvery essence with bold hues of red..

Life is like this, As quickly as something grows onto you
Another breaks in, too tough to realise, too easy to like..

More than a Dream

The lover's poise
Hand around my waist
Hair let loose
A peck on my neck
Now hands intertwined
Strengthening a bond
Turned and now I'm hugged
Runs his fingers down my spine
Passionate eyes look into mine
Careful hands hold me together
Then he lets go of me
And I walk into the dark
Fading away into oblivion
Unknowingly, yet steadily

A gift wrapped air tight container
My definition of this love is
Can not let you go, can not hold on tight
It is in somewhere between
Where everything falls into place,
Where everything just seems simpler and better.

Cold in Warmth

The afternoon warmth wrapping her up in softness of sleep
Toes crammed in and bundled up she sits in bed
After the storm last night, everything had changed
Her eyes liquefied in tears like blobs of sorrow
Her slender fingers hold her knees close to her face
The floral printed bed cover absorbs the wetness of her tears
And she weeps into her arms like she owned nothing but him
The hollowness in her soul reflects the beauty of togetherness
Worn out by separation and destruction
Curled up in a warm clothed sweater
She sits up feeling nothing but the cold while it was so warm..

Fear is a state of mind

Happiness is a state of mind
Fear also is a state of mind
The choice was hers....

Wanting to break free
From bond unknown

From shackles that keep her tied..

From wounds that shall never heal

Wanting to go that extra mile

To prove him wrong

To make him feel guilty
She knows,

Happiness is a state of mind
Fear also is a state of mind
The choice was hers....

But she was broken
Dead inside

Too numb to react to what he does

So she stand there still
Her eyes shut

Involuntary prayers run in her mind
Saying,

Happiness is a state of mind
Fear also is a state of mind
The choice was always hers...

This time she needs to stop it

This time she needs to stop him

She needs to feel free
She needs to fly

He is closing in
He is an enemy attacking
Her mind says,

Happiness is a state of mind
Fear also is a state of mind
The choice was still hers...

Locked in thoughts
A fearing mind, numb

But a brave-heart she is
Fighting till the end
It hits her that weakness was within her
Her limits were what she set for herself
And she believes,

Happiness is a state of mind
Fear also is a state of mind
The choice was just hers....

So
She escapes, she runs, far away
Away.. Away from the fear
Away from herself
Away from everything that held her
Because..

Happiness is a state of mind
Fear also is a state of mind
The choice was hers
And she chose
Happiness..

Unanswerable Nothingness

Everyone outside are celebrating a festival
Each with their own reason and each with some gain
The festival of lights and happiness has come once again
And here I am, sitting in a rock-like chair, with blank eyes
Staring at the graffiti-ed wall.. Glaring right back at me are the ABCs
My mobile flashes green light, the ring tone is intoxicating..
It brings me so close to touching it, but I resist the temptations
How sad is it to feel empty inside? How sad is it to know there's a hole?
I move back and forth restlessly.. Pick up a book and drop it in frustration
I'm unorganized, messed up, lost, torn, lonely.. Would you judge me now?
No poet I am here.. Just a heartbroken teenager with dreams too big..
So I'll let it go.
I will force myself to a huge bowl of chocolate ice cream and grow over it.
I'll let it go. Because I have to. Because I love the book and I shouldn't drop it in any frustration ever again.

Musings of A confused Teen

There are a gazillion reasons for me to be confused, and it is justified. Because I observe, I think and I believe.. Can't help it if it confuses me so much.

Is it OKAY to enjoy life while few of them are losing theirs every minute?

Is it accepted to laugh when a catastrophe has happened in some corner of the world?

Is it right to be sorry for yourself some times despite you having everything?

Are your pleasures real pleasures? Compared to those who have greater pleasures.

Are your sorrows worth your tears? Because somewhere there is a greater sorrow.

Is your life significant enough to talk about?

Are you good or bad? Are there rules for being sad or happy?

Who measures happiness? Is there a scale for sorrow too? 

What is good and what is great? Who defines this for you?

Can you define love or life? Are they definite? Are you infinite?

Do people lie to spread happiness? Does truth always triumph?

Am I important to anyone? Do people care? Humanity is alive?

OHMYGODDDDD! I seriously don't know the answer to any of these questions. But all I know is..

YES you are important, people do care and love. There are answers to every question, all you need to do is search. For each the answer might be different and that is why you can not cheat on this test. Your pleasures and sorrows are big, for you. Maybe no one else cares, but you do. You should. You are important to yourself, and make yourself proud. Only if you can impress yourself, you can impress another. Let us face it, all of us can not be all sacrificing beings, we can't stay away from desire. Because we are human, not supernatural, and nothing expects us to be supernatural. So it alright to face life however you want to face it, because unethical, immoral and against societal norms doesn't exist definitely. Have your own morals and ethics. Do good, be good! 

Cottoned Wounds

Fascinating I find these, large cottoned wounds
Because behind each there is an untold story
After that, there is a scar left behind for life
A scar which reveals the hidden anecdote...

Numb Peace

A desperation in my heart, pounding an extra beat every second
Blissful ignorance forgotten as my ears pay attention to detail
Like an artist who's giving a final touch to his masterpiece..
Detail, I hear the clock ticking and every second passing by
Detail, I hear a dog howling for meat taken away
Detail, I hear the pitter-patter raindrops on my balcony window pain
Too many details and so much of uncertainty, a feeling
Like it is the end.. Like I'm needed.. Like someone is calling
I sit down to complete the never-ending homework
But my mind is elsewhere, desperate and waiting
Waiting for a call, waiting for it to end..
I heave in want for some peace, I wait for this moment to pass
I wait, I wait and I wait.. But peace is not felt. Peace will never come back
Like long lost love, like dead art, like happy bright skies.....
Peace will never come back.. but I still wait, I wait and I wait..

Too much love to contain

There sat a box on the chair behind the neat table top
The box I called a secret box, a box which held everything
Everything: answers, beauty, words, joy and love
Cultural differences bound us together
Hardships and books defined our moments..
This box I know is the girl I feel
Feel the warmth and the welcome-ness
Sharing thoughts like a telepathic twin
Bearing words like a beautiful queen
On its top were beautiful pearls
Adorning this girl like her perfect smile
Childish gibberish to imitate another
Speaking carefully as the audience is larger
This box which carries answers for me
Is carried to debates like an essential tool
Likely to be socially awkward, this box
Steals hearts and stirs thoughts whenever it talks
Yes, this box is magic I must say
Because it contains so much of joy
Trapped in a school where ideas are small
This pretty little box stays embraced somehow
Love, this box teaches me like the girl
The girl who believes that she is the best
Maybe the moments of comfort on her shoulder might be forgotten
Maybe the moments of craziness of nonsense might fade away
But what will remain is that wonderful box
As a package of what I need and what I want.....

Tiptoeing silence

Dull afternoon light peeps through the silk curtained window panes
Falling right upon the little books that kill boredom by stirring emotions
Soulful music ever-running in the head with the picture of a romantic dinner
But all around, there is a quietness and an emptiness of unsatisfied expectations
Bright colours of innocence lost in pain of silent laughter
Like careless drooling babies on their mother's shoulder
Toe nails painted in bright red trying to make a failed gesture of grace
A bold, beautiful teenager's room whose essence is lost in loneliness
Dreaming down the memory lane, she believes in fairylands and water babies
Fraternizing thoughts of authors and poets that deflate her undaunted opinions
In her large, soft cusioned, comfortable bedroom.. She hears silence tiptoe into her mind

First day mornings at libraries

Childish gestures in a library covered with newspapers
Soulless morning blues of coming back to school echoing in broken mother tongue
Composure of the daylight lost in teachers, bright laptop screens flashing on rose bathed faces
Today morning the air is different.. A friend astonished by news about the typhoon
Broken, shattered glass pains two streets away make no sense
Wrapped in our own thoughts and worlds, wriggling and struggling through a long never ending life
We all sit around the library tables to grow into beasts inside with a smile to fool the world
In the reckless age of broken hearts and shattered dreams..
What else can you expect from a novel-less library? What else can you expect from a life which lacks stories?

Sister, for you

Reminiscing those nights we spent together curled up in soft overcrowded beds, having our endless talks under the thin lined blankets, it is hard to believe that you are twenty now.. Too old to be naive too young to be stern.. The moments of breathtaking incidents, how we felt so much for each other, that your pain was mine and mine yours.. Sisters by blood but friends for a lifetime. You're my basket of secrets and my memory of childhood. You're my bundle of happiness and an epitome of strength. You're everything I need to make believe that life is worth living, you're an inspiration, a heartbeat and everything beyond. Miles apart we might be, distances counted in words.. but I carry you in me, sister, in my heart and dreams. You've looked after me right from when I was baby who didn't know language, to a sweet child without reason, to a beautiful bold personality. I can not repay you in money nor in words, everything is weak when it comes to you. I know we've done mistakes, I know we've fallen, but I know you are there for me, and I am here for you, anytime and everywhere. Affectionate nights of passionate dream frames.. I remember looking up at you then. You may have not taught me to be extraordinary but you taught me something greater, to just be ME. On your birthday, I want to tell you that without you I wouldn't have a direction. I am not thanking you, it was your duty. You're my sugarcandy and I love you too much! Stay strong. Stay beautiful. Stay forever your naughty, adorable, and silly self! Oh! How could I forget, I used to never be a part of your mischief. Heartbreaker! Teaming up against me, playing games I never could understand. You've been your share of mean too. No complaints! You're my sister, you've got the right, haven't you? I badly wish I was with you, I don't like this unwanted separation. See you soon, dii! By The Way, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! 

Lost

Ice-cream candies and coke bottles lay in front of us as we welcome the night

Like beautiful green trres shading off their leaves in mid-autumn

Moist palms feel the hot skin on bare shoulders which shudder

Heads lay rested upon the cushioned chair and eyes shut tight with memories to capture

As the silence grew inside us in the cold dining hall, they chatter and clutter to wile away time

Amongst this crowd of made up masked faces, I sit in a lonely corner bundled in thoughts

Through the window I see the dew drops on the petals of a rose and look back into the room

Hardly two years had passed but this distance had never felt so real.. Promises for a forever never felt so fake

All these familiar smiles and laughter of innocence drops a pin of unknown silence in my ears

The interlocution of theirs intermingles thoughts like mother and child through a lonely long night

Hidden truth, broken dreams, empty souls lay bare in the party tonight like songs lifelessly sung aloud

An easy life this was for us, hiding the truth and sorrow in smiles like casing bloody scars under a scarf

As loving colours and caring hues pass the sky in a wavelength unknown, we all feel lost inside.. 

We all feel lost......

You :)

The guy I know today, met me two years ago as complete stranger. Nothing more than a senior he was. Annoying and lameeee, like I felt everyone else was, in that school. But when we actually got to know each other, differences were realised and it all merged into the same bittersweet love-hate for the school. He belonged to the school for all his life, and I hated the school and everything about it, right from the beginning. But what makes you love, more than people? No, I did not love him. I started to love the people around me, the school still remained pathetic and silly. Things eventually grew better. We used to have talks late into the night and believe that secrets between us were like pearls hidden in oysters. He told me a heartbreaking story, but he never seemed hurt. Hardly angry, silly, passionate, math geek, friend, brother, caring, loving.. He had everything in him. And one fine day, he left. He left everything behind. He walked out of school, happy and satisfied. He lost love, but that never made him cry, he cherished moments of joy with her and moved on. Moved on to being one of the most perfect people I know. Today he is going, away from this country, away from me, away from us.. But he shall always remain, in my heart. Because he made me smile a many times, he made me feel loved, many time, he liked me with no reason at all, and hated no one. To you dearest friend, I must say, you are an inspiration. Where ever you go, and whatever you do in life, keep inspiring people. Keep loving! Keep smiling! :) Happy LIFE!

To Abed, With Loads and Loads of Love.

The character that sketched a world of fantastic and made me believe in reality beyond reality, Abed. Community is one of the BEST shows ever! And Abed is one amongst the best characters ever. Everything about the character makes me wonder whether life with so much seriousness is worth living or not? Because beyond all this work and pressure, at the end of the day, when you hit the bed, all you can think of is a world of fantasy. And this world of fantasy, though put across to me in many ways, only made sense when it came from Abed. His dreamatorium, where everything was just in his head and he imagined playing games which for him, was beyond the real, but yet real. This character made me believe that imagination is where beauty lies, and beauty is indefinite. Abed, whose reactions are blank and whose comments are wondrous and whose humour is completely blunt and to whose imagination I could dedicate a lifetime to understand! All this makes him one of the most loved and adored characters ever. To believe in dreams and detest separation from friends by him, with not a freckle of bad thoughts in him, he taught me to live a life of sheer pleasure, and trivial worries. And even if there is Evil Abed, the Good one always takes over, because at the end of the day, we are all nice people, right? And we love and hate because it is a part of being human. Community was a show with so many lessons for me. Friendship, love, relationships, groups, schooling, studies, challenges, debating culture, and above all a show with such insignificant situations dealing with the Small Things in life but these Small Things can actually contribute a great bit in teaching humanity. So to all the love I have for Community and to All The Love I Have For Dearest Abed, cheers :)

Gone are those days

Time flies away like cool breeze on a summer morning
Noone waits to stop and care about the chirpy greetings
Through the years of scented textbook pages, I start to think
Memories a basket full and nostalgic essence in cakes
Standing unstable on the fair basketball ground
Dreams and bottles of soda fizz around the corner call
Reality and sensibility too lost in self centered halls
Everything rushes back to me, gets me lost in all
Those giggles and laughs as the hottie walks by
Echo in empty rooms too full of benches and chalks
The reasons of trivial debating lie upon the sidewalk
Reminding me of the quarelles over candies or chocobars
The crushes innumerable and wondrous first loves
Making my day by the passing by smiles
Hot chocolate fumes and cookies complementary
From the amie who ruined her test all over again
'Chan Chan' of the payal and 'khan khan' of the kangan
The graceful dancer takes over the stage
Winning hearts of the hundreds who are watching
Orators at the their best levels of rhetoric
MUNers with their hats of diplomacy
Together relish the times of debate
Time flies away like cool breeze on a summer morning
And I stop and care about the world moving in retrograde

Escape

Tonight, let the moon light up the sky
Let beauty grow into hearts and minds
Let us crave for a nowhere-no-mans land
And bury our thoughts in shadows dark

Let us run away to the mountains high
And sing in our heads the hymns of life
Let us go in search of nature wild
And risk our lives to joy of a free-fall

All the ego and all the pride,
All the greed just be left behind
Let us live and breathe a life of no care
And know the answers to the love unspoken

Let the echos of rivers be bold and the best
And the beauty of being conquer the quest
Let the truth untold be repeated again
And imperfection be the lesson taught

Let us realise that life is not a race
And let go of everything held on to
Let us let the images of fantasies flash
And sit back and relax, as life passes away slowly.....

The lesson she learnt

Laughter of the Gothic wannabes

Wearing smiles of fake trust

And bearing words of no interest

Catch the attention of drunk lil' brats

Who are dressed in tuxedos for the party night

Lightening the mood with tequila shots

These teenagers walk into the crowd

Recognized by those who lost themselves

And appreciated for the shoes they didn't wear

Surrounded by these phony teens

One of them just took it in

Sick of parties with all pretense

Makes her way out to the streetlight, hence

Sitting on the footpath, dressed like a slut

She curses and cries and kicks her shoes off

Flashbacks of when she enjoyed this stuff

Hit her then with hot black tears

Spoiling her made up, painted face

Drops of innocence rolled down her cheek

The shadow of hers was crumpled in pain

And her eyes red, as she looked down the lane

Never did she want this to happen

Never did she want to be so artificial!

But alas! It had happened

And it happened so quick

That escaping it, was impossible

All she did then, was cry like a child

And all her hope and cheer she saw

Thrust into a garbage can...

Moments of Desire

Kisses of roses on her delicate cheeks
Swirls of laughter under the mauve clouds
Two cups of coffee perfecting the mood
With pointless talks about beauty and the fall
Sun burnt skin lay upon the armrest
Stolen glances and beautiful smiles
Glitters and sparkles of dreams on the moon
Mouthwatering delicacies of a favorite afternoon
Dim florecent lights across the roads
Stared at with hope and glow
Cherishing every moment of it
The silence in their hearts overcome
As the mood of cheer and pomp slowed
The endless laughter took its giant leap
To the graceful movements of the leaves..
So the pages of life flew across them
As perfection of being was realised......

The beginning of a bad time..

Do you believe in signs? Do you believe that the happening of something, will obviously result to another happening? I believe in signs. I think that a slight indication to what is going to happen, is always there. Some of us may put a deaf ear to it, the others might be really observant. When the rain comes, with it comes the thunder. I always feel that the thunder is a bad omen, which brings in bad times. The thunder outside makes my windows tremor and I sit in the same place and evaluate what possibly could go wrong. The last time I heard a thunder, a few days ago, I couldn't sleep the whole night. All I thought of is the thunder, and what bad news it would possibly get for me. The next day when I woke up(I do not remember when I fell asleep), I heard my grandmother say that there was a robbery in the neighbours' house and also in the opposite building. When I hear the sky brutally scream, I believe that a bad time is going to come.. what will it be? I know not. I am still waiting...

I like butterflies

I have never dared to touch any animal. All throughout my life, I have been running away from them. I'm not fond of them, I don't hate them. They are just very different from me. But to think of it, isn't another person also different from me? Very different. Then why do I put up with another human being, but not a cute domestic animal? I don't know. I still don't dare to touch them. But i just realised that I actually like butterflies. Maybe because of their vivid shades and hues. Maybe because they can fly and I can't. Yes, it is because they can fly and I can't. Whoever says airplanes have made flying possible are wrong. I don't fly, the plane flies. And I am in the plane. So I am not specifically flying. This is very random. Thank you for reading, I just wanted to see how good I was at writing prose.  

Unquenched

There's always been a feeling,
Of suffocation and pain,
Of the never ending story,
Of the restless heartbreak..

I stand by the door, waiting,
For him to come, and bow,
To serenade and love,
And ride away into the unknown..

But cloaked in red, he never comes,
The tragedy of distance, never known,
"The gap!" I scream, but unheard,
My life is taking a new turn!

A part of me is lost, I know not where,
In depth of valleys, please search,
Beyond the green plains, just watch,
You might find it there, untouched.

I feel the emptiness, O Lord!
Endow me with the strength,
For the pain I need to bear,
For the love which is unfair,
Faith is dying, in me now,
I need an angel, need a crown..

Somethings don't change, I believe,
The Love I have, will never,
For him, I bear in my heart,
"Forever, it is.", I hear myself,
"Forever, it is.", I repeat,
Look up into the sky, and speak,
"Wherever you are", I say,
"I am here, still waiting for you."

I still stand, but now by the window,
I don't wait, but look out and see
Those others standing, and wanting,
"Fools!", I call them, and turn,
I look into the mirror, and know,
The tears of theirs, are real,
The pain I felt, still lies,
Buried deep, it is though,
I understand their life..

A life of desire,
A life of love,
A life of denial,
And a life..
Of a thirst unquenched..

Broken dreams

Shatters in silence,

Dies in solidarity,

Falls and disappears,

But scars for a lifetime..

No one knows,

When you cry,

It pains a lot,

And you die,

A little more,

Every time it happens,

A little more,

Every time it dies..

Holding on,

To something,

So strongly,

But it goes away,

And leaves nothing behind..

You weep,

You whine,

You seek,

You feel weak,

But once it's gone,

It's gone forever..

A dream broken once,

Is broken forever.....

A love untold

The lights in the pool,
Reflect perfectly off her face.
Standing there, undefeated,
Remembering the sweetness,
Of the harsh deep love,
The streaks of his hair,
Flashing in the water..
The intensity in his eyes,
Giving life to the picture..
Pushing her behind,
Into the unheard, unseen,
Beauty of love..

Might have loved to hard,
To deserve this pain..
The memory of his,
Crystal clear in her scarred soul..
She took it in,
Like a fighter,
But she'd given up here..
To the water,
Where it all started....

She left it to the water,
To stop it all together..
So she went back into the time,
When the moon was large,
And her chuckles too loud..
When her tresses flew wild,
And her smile real wide..

Then he strolled along,
With his head held high,
And his feet off the ground..
Eyes meet eyes,
But pride conquers the love..

Not spoken of,
But just through the eyes,
They speak and love,
And know, that this is eternity..
But eternity without knowing?
Eternity without feeling?
Eternity without being?
Is all but a dream..

Becoming one, a dream-untrue..
Because everything,
Everything was confined,
Everything was limited..
Life was in chains,
No freedom,
No expression,
No justice..

And that she remembered,
The pain,
The separation,
Him..
And everything sorrowed,
Because of:
A love untold.......

A forever for a forever!

It hasn't been really me lately, all I think about is this forever. For me at first it never lasted, but when you came into my life and taught me how to fall in love, I realised that forever lasts, if you are strong enough to keep it going.

Every moment of life,
Is meant to be eternal.
Something which you will carry,
For now and forever..
Not everything is meant to be,
But the moment I met you,
The minute I loved you,
I knew you were here for eternity.
For that which will never end.
And so I put my trust in you,
And am waiting for my diamond ring :)

Love you!

My name is Khan, AND I AM NOT A TERRORIST

Yes. DO NOT STEREOTYPE! You are no one to generalise. You do not know every person of that kind. You do not possess the right to talk about them. The others are as human as we are. They wake up every morning and thank God for the daylight. They do their daily chores just like us. They speak like us. They read like us. They write like us. They feel like us. They are NO WAY different. And if they were to start talking about your kind, You Are Equally Bad. In fact, your kind might be worse! This country is diverse. Learn to accept it. This has played in my mind so long, when a friend of mine said: "Muslims should be kicked out of this country." No they shouldn't. They are better than the people who make such hasty and nasty statements. I love every person who respects me. I do not look down upon anybody because of their background. I believe that goodness lies in the heart. If it wasn't for this diversity, I would've never been able to accept and respect all cultures equally.

Everything kills everything: Ernest Hemingway

I need to know, why people gave this issue more importance? Why did it feel like the need of the hour? Why did everything else seem so trivial for just one border? What did they want? land? Recognition? Ownership? WHAT? Didn't they think of greater needs? Didn't they think of children starving everyday? Didn't they think of women without care? Did they not know, that boundaries are created only when humanity is dead? Yes! Humanity dies. In everybody today. In the politicians. In the policy makers. In the people who enjoy the decision. HUMANITY IS DEAD! You did not bother to think of the greater good of the society. So what if your goals and traditions are different? Mine are different from my neighbors, should I demand for a legal boundary? Should I shut educational institutes down, for my happiness? And protest for it? You are selfish. No sorry, your whole kind is selfish. YOUR community, YOUR tradition, YOUR needs! Whatever happened to US! Whatever happened to being proud TO BE AN INDIAN! Whatever happened to UNITY IN DIVERSITY! If you don't know what all this means, don't say it. I know human beings are selfish. BUT SO SELFISH? That everything is ignored for this? I do not know what to say. Unity dies. Humanity dies. What is the use of society? What is the use of a diverse country? I know not. 

Me

There is a voice in my head,
Which I hear so loud,
I want to escape it,
I want to run,
I want to stay in the shadows,
Of the never-ending life.

Don't pinch me with reality,
It is too harsh,
Don't tell me the truth,
I can't stand.
I want to be forever.

Give me what I want,
Make me who I am,
Sing my thoughts,
Not in vain,
Call out my name.

I want to live,
I want to see what is,
Beyond Infinity!
I want to feel,
The breath of thoughts,
Gasp at it,
With all my heart!

I need no reason,
I need no love,
All I need is a life forever.

Goals define me,
But beyond that is a voice,
My voice, alone!
So loud!
Because beyond infinity,
Is me!

Hey, beauty!

Some people are crafted to perfection by almighty,
But a few grow to be the most purest forms of human..
Dearest Beauty,
Now that you're 16,
I'm overwhelmed.
Every feeling in my heart has no words to tell you how wonderful you are!
I was there for you, when you were down or blue. But I didn't stand there beside you, I asked you to get up and do what I think you are worth of having!
You're amongst one of the most beautiful people I've ever met.
Not everybody are as gifted as you are!
Sweet Daddy's sugar candy,
You would go to any extent to keep your family happy,
Those people who have risen you to be who you are today!
I'm so proud of you, darling :) So proud!
Yes, I've written speeches for you,
And I'm so proud I did.
Because you truly deserve it!
You're pretty annoying too. Not really!
Let me tell you,
NO ONE DESERVES YOU AS MUCH AS YOU DESERVE YOURSELF!
Believe that you're too good for even for the best! Because you areeeee.
I'm excited about your sweet 16. Mine was one of the best birthdays I'd ever had! Hope you have a blast too, sexy Babe!
Whatever you achieve in life,
Look back and thank everyone.
That will keep you the same, sweet, little girl.
The girl you are today!
I love you, a lot.
HAPPY SWEET SIXTEEN! Define who you are again, put on a little more weight, eat a lot more chocolates, don't exercise, have fun, do what you want to(with a few exceptions) And don't forget to remember, YOLO!

For you, my muse

Thoughts of unity,

Words speak of action,

Life's a roller coaster,

That's when you stroll by..

Determined eyes,

Face with a vigilant smile,

With unappreciated thoughts,

And a wild mind..

When we spoke,

Egos clashed, thoughts disapproved,

Lights all so dim,

But then came the spark,

Of proving to be better..

With the power of the pen,

Ideas crafted,

Minds spoken,

The pen was just enough,

To give me,

What I always wanted..

No one could stop it,

No one could take it away,

It stayed inside me,

Even today..

And then came the rough patch,

Of separation from you,

Of denial from the truth..

But who can separate,

A muse from a writer?

And so we're back,

To being friends,

To being an inspiration..

You wrote for me,

A thousand times,

And this might be just one,

But dear Muse,

Without you,

I'd be nothing,

Without your support,

Without your presence,

I owe you a lifetime,

A lifetime of this young aspiring journalist.

Thank you, Muse! :)

Mirrors

They capture who she is,
Unlike photos, always unedited,
The undeniable truth,
The reflection..
She stood there,
The cracks on the wall behind,
Reflected perfectly,
Without a twitch or meddle
She looked into the mirror,
The crack, it reminded her,
Of the story untold,
Never forgotten,
Ban to remember..
But it struck her hard today,
How wasn't she supposed to remember?
The day when she lost everything,
The moments of joy all torn apart..
Some times looking back made her feel stronger,
That she had survived so much,
That she had loved without return,
That she was once
"A Dreamer"
"A Mirror"

The Lord of Beginnings!

Welcoming the God of all beginnings! On Ganesh Chaturthi, my classmates and I were overly excited about making Ganesh idols. We not only wanted to make the clay model look very alike to the Lord but also wanted to spread the message of using eco-friendly material in the making of the idol. We always look forward to festivals to celebrate them with our hearts. These Ganeshas didn't look really great, but all our efforts and team work had gone into it. We thoroughly enjoyed the activity and later had fun painting the Ganesh. This activity was a really great one, and I would love to make Ganeshas many more times. 

Too many.

Somethings are meant to happen just over night..
At the most unexpected hour.
A fight, a stare, love, some care,
A lifetime, a memory, a dream, a story..
It is funny how you know people for years and they aren't close at all, but you know someone for a few days and they become the best part of your life..
It is funny how time speaks so little in relationships..
How boundaries are transcended, how life is redefined!

A few people just come by to change things,
They might not cling on,
But for the time they spend with you,
They make you realise who you are..

It often happens, that when you speak to an old friend,
They say you've changed some times,
Not that it's bad,
But they don't identify you anymore.

You grow up over the years,
And realise whom to keep a distance from,
But emotions are the greatest pull back,
They keep you away from reality,
Despite you knowing it too well!

It happens to all of us.
We all feel connected to so many,
But not all of them stay..
Maybe none of them will stay,
But that doesn't mean we stop loving,
we stop caring.. we stop living?

Nails on the chalkboard

If you think you're impressing,
Wait for it,
YOU ARE SO NOT!
You just hurt me so bad..
You speak so loud,
That my ears bleed!
You throw spears at me,
From wherever you can,
I am tired of dodging them now...
I'm sick of your comments,
Of your words,
Of your unwanted praises,
I hear nothing but you,
All the time,
Running in my head,
Like a ghost,
Haunting me to death..
I feel nothing now,
I've buried myself in sorrow,
Afraid to look into the mirror,
I think, I'd see, whom you describe me to be,
Bad, unworthy, unimportant, ugly.....
I'm disgusted to be myself,
You're making me lose it,
You're making me feel nothing,
Go away! Leave me alone!
Don't trouble, I beg of you!
I don't want to hear,
the screeching sounds of,
The nails on the chalkboard,
Anymore!

The feeling..

Down that street,

Look at them walk by,

Hands clutched,

Under the starry night,

Her gaze at her lover,

His firm look in the eye..

His arm now protectively around her,

His eyes fixed at the stranger,

Who tries looking at her..

Safely, he takes her further down,

She says something in the softest voice,

And he chuckles, and pats her head..

He tries coming closer,

She playfully skips away,

Hurts herself, and falls hard..

He runs to her,

Tears roll down her cheek, in pain,

He kisses her cheek,

And carries her a while..

Lets her set her feet down,

And goes down on his knees,

Begs her for a dance..

She hesitantly agrees,

Her attention on the street,

With the fear of getting caught..

He takes her in his arms,

Cradles her like a child,

And moves to the rhythm of nature..

The hush of the winds,

The jingle of the leaves,

The rattle of the people,

Music, all of it...

They dance slowly,

She afraid, but the peace holds her,

The serenity of his presence,

The essence of his words,

Keeps her going,

Into the night...

They don't tire,

They are just too lost,

In love, in each other,

In the emotion and..

Through the night...................

Birthdaysssss

Though 100s may find it really insignificant, it's the only day I feel extraordinary! :D
Happy Birthday to me! :)

Just a little love will do

To catch them when they fall,
To show them light,
To just hold them in our arms,
When they are too weak to stand.
To believe in magic,
Of words spoken from the heart,
To be there when they're sinking,
For they know not what's in store.
You might not show them the path,
But will just hold their hand,
So that they rise from broken relations,
And walk with pride once again.
To make them believe that,
The end is not close,
There is long way to go,
There will come people to care,
There will be moments to smile,
You will find them,
They will love you.
Your life will change,
There is a way,
We are the way,
To catch you when you fall,
To show you the light,
To hold you in our arms,
When you're too weak to stand......

Dreams!!

Everyday you might have a new dream,

Every moment may lead to a new one,

But there is one dream,

One aim, One goal, One ambition.

One place where you want to be,

One place you see yourself in..

And that ONE thing, 

Is worth everything,

Even single moment of hard work,

Of greatness,

Of unbeaten success..

Every drop of sweat,

Every tear in pain,

Every moment of hardship,

It's worth it all.

Because, at the end of the day,

It will not walk away.

It will be there,

Till the very end.

It will make you go crazy,

It will bring you down,

It will throttle you,

But the journey is worth it.

The climb does matter!!

Everything in the way,

Teaches you,

A new lesson,

A new way..

Craving for dreams,

And wanting to make them come true,

Define you,

Holds you,

Makes you move forward,

After every fall.

You feel alive..

So do what it takes,

To get there,

To your dream,

To what would decide who you are..

I will not let you go

Summer or winter,

Sun or moon,

Sunday or Monday,

I will never let you go.

We've both been wrong,

We've had our fights,

We've misunderstood,

And every time,

We just grow stronger.

We grow closer,

We start to understand,

And believe,

That we're meant to be.

Forever!

And I want this forever to last,

So, I shall never let go of you.

And so, I'll hold on,

Even in those moments,

When you're so mad,

That you'd make fun,

Of my weakest side.

I'll stand up,

When you need me to,

I'll shine for you.

I'll look out for you.

And will always be there,

When you're lost.

You've been there,

On the worst days of my life.

You stopped me,

When I did something wrong,

You stood by me,

You held me,

When I was weak.

You came back,

When I sent you away

(though I never wanted to)

You always reminded me,

That you loved me,

And that...

I will love you,

For eternity. 

Forever.

And so, 

I WILL NEVER LET YOU GO!!!

Tiny little things..

Children.

A perfect reflection of who you were, maybe just a few years ago.

When a small scream could bring tears in your eyes,

And one little joke, make you laugh heartily.

When thing were simpler,

When parents were closer,

When friends were not chosen,

When mistakes could be corrected.

In the company of children,

You know how much you've grown,

How innocence is lost,

How minds are corrupted,

How hearts are broken.

You remember your days,

Of enjoyment, care-free, non-opinionated views.

You realise that you might have been better then,

You might have fit in more easily back then,

You might have had more friends,

You might have felt happy without reason.

But then you know,

The beauty of life is in growing up..

In experiencing the new,

And learning your own ways,

Making a name for yourself,

And falling and then, learning to stand up once again.

Vacuum

Sometimes imperfection takes over. It is all around, and then imperfection tends to look perfect. It becomes happiness and everything you have. But sometimes, there's a gap. And that's when you know this vacuum is because, you are imperfect. Life is imperfect and everything around maybe fake.

You'll have friends all around you. What they say about feeling lonely in a crowd is so true. The vacuum, the gap, everything which keeps you away from perfection. You feel like it's taking over. You feel like it's going to define you and make you someone you don't want to be.

Lost I am,
In this crowd of familiar faces.

Lonely I feel,
In the warmth of family.

I don't know,
If I'm still perfect.

I don't know,
If everything is true.

Am I right?
Am I alone?

No support,
No one feels the same as you do.

You think,
What if I'm dead?
Would it make a difference?
Would people care?

If I am lost?
Will people search for me?
Will they cross seas for me?
Will anyone look out for me?

If I'm quiet,
Why do people want me to talk?
Does what I speak make a difference in their life?
Do they feel good, listening to me?

I know,
I am insignificant.

I know,
Many don't care.

I know,
People will cheat.

But I also know,
I am alive,
And that is,
Only for a reason!

Happy Endings?

Every movie we watch, every show we come across, every story we read, we always expect it to have a happy ending. When we've wasted hours over those things, we deserve a happy ending. An ending where everyone is pleased, everyone have what they want. But when it doesn't end on a happy note, what can we do?

I watch this show called 90210. It's teen drama and having watched 5 seasons of the show makes me feel like a part of the show. Now that I hear, the show is coming to an end, and there is just one episode to go, and the end is not expected to be happy, I really feel there was no point of watching the show all this while. It is ending so abruptly, all of a sudden. Though they call this THE LAST EPISODE, from the bottom of my heart I just wish they come back with another season soon. To take my regret away, and make me believe yet again in Happy Endings!

Cast Away

Left out,

Sometimes you feel lonely

Not a part of the real world.

Not a perfect fit in,

You feel like you don't belong. 

You find everything dull and grey,

And beauty fades away.

You know another road,

Which is not mostly taken.

But you fight yourself,

To get there,

To walk through the untrodden.

And then,

The world which you imagined,

Lies down that road.

All alone and bright,

Beautiful with colours

And shining with light.

An isolated island you see,

With a boat afloat on the sea.

Like a dream.

In a fairy land.

A home you could make,

Out of these surroundings,

A living too.

Live off the fruits,

And lose yourself in this mesmerizing wilderness.

And then through these amazing moments,

Once a guy will walk by your land,

Trespassing on YOUR possession,

No one has the right, you scream.

You will reject him, ask him to stay away,

But he'll still be there, because just like you,

He'd come to make a home.

You'd not find it lonely anymore,

You'll have a mate,

Maybe for life or maybe just for sometime?

For better or for worse,

You have a partner,

A source of trust and reliance

And maybe one day,

When you miss the old world,

You can wrap yourself up in his company,

And wake up the next morning

To realize how far you are,

From reality.

From the truth.

From the beauty.

From life.

You might try to find your way back,

But perfection of your imagination

Has held you so tight,

You can't go.

You can't hide.

You can't run.

You are lost in a forever land.

So don't run away from where you belong,

Times will come when you feel lonely.

When you feel left out,

But the only option isn't to leave.

Stay there, Stay strong.

And face life.

There is no get away

There is nothing better.

This was how I felt, one day. And later, I knew that better face reality than dream about something which will only give you loneliness.

Random.

You are infinite.

Moon, the leader

I lay on my back,
On the terrace of my house,
Looked into the starry sky,
And saw the only beauty there.
It's weird that amidst all the glamour,
Only one face is bright,
No shimmer. No shine.
But so very bright.

That is the connect,
Of the sky and our lives,
All of us glitter,
But not all of us are gold.
Amidst us, stands one bold,
Upholding virtue and the wisdom,
Showing the way, like a guiding light.

We bow down to him,
Bend to touch his feet,
Sometimes are jealous,
Sometimes are proud.
One day, the moon will be you,
One day, the world will look up to you,
You just need to believe that,
You are best and the closest.

The wait is long,
And luck is hard,
The bruises are loads,
And the pain is a lot.
But strive, they say,
Strive so hard,
That no one can defeat you,
That no one can deprive you.

Of being the moon,
The best among the crowd.
The most valued,
The crowned.
But forget not,
Once you might also be the star,
In the background,
Just enhancing the beauty of the moon.

Don't lose hope then,
It might have not been your cup of tea,
It was MEANT TO BE,
Not yours.
The moon isn't the only thing,
The stars are also poignant,
Who you are comes from what you do.
So do it right.

The story of us..

Never felt so good, never felt so right,
It all happens when everything rushes back,
Into those years of solitary love,
And the moments of sheer pleasure.

The bittersweet arguments,
The laid down path,
The beautiful daylight,
Reminds me of you..

You were there to talk,
You were there to weep to,
You were there to fight,
You were there ALWAYS..

We were misunderstood,
Thrown around and beaten up,
Tried to be separated,
But all efforts in vain..

We sat there weeping,
Through the corner of our eyes,
Looked at each other,
And swore we would never let anything tear us apart..

And one day, everything seemed wrong,
And everything came to an end,
Like a tragic one, in a sad story,
And you could hear the cries,
Of melancholy in the pitch darkness of the night..

I can not forget the days of loneliness,
Those tears of utter pain,
The eyes too red to even see,
And the band of love dying slowly..

But when things are meant to be,
They get okay some time or the other..

Silence was torture, and so we spoke,
Nights and days together,
I tried so hard to get it all back,
And then I gave up..

But then, you started trying,
And things got better,
Feelings were spilt,
And joy was felt,
Everything was alright..

Because, when things are meant to be, even you can not tear it. And when people are meant to be, they are just meant to be together FOREVER.

Loser

I am a loser. You are a loser. We all are losers. At some point of time, you feel awkward and devastated. You feel desperate and broken. You feel like everyone is better than you, and this happens to everyone, sometime.

We all have emotions and are too vulnerable. We get hurt easily and hurt others very easily. We dream and our dreams shatter, and so we are losers. We are always those kind of people who can not bear defeat. We hide our face shamefully, and cry inside.

I have been a loser, a lot many times. When I have lost something I wanted real bad, I felt like a loser. When I didn't get what I thought I deserved, I felt like a loser. When I was heart broken, I felt like a loser. I am feeling like a loser writing this. But this is emotion, my friend. True emotion.

Everybody hurts someday, it's okay to be afraid.

Don't go......

I have never felt so many emotions at once, not even at my farewell. But I did this time, while I gave a farewell to my seniors. I had a huge communication gap with most of them. And never tried to interact. They say, friends in this phase of life are friends forever. I never tried making them my friends. But today, when we gave a farewell to those people whom we hardly knew, I just knew that they were no different. Walked on the same path as we did, gathered the same experiences as us, felt the same emotions as we did.. If only we were closer, Grade 11 would have been so much more easier.

But for those handful of seniors who made trips memorable, competitions filled with spirit, activities filled with enthusiasm, I am grateful that they were there to help me. I'd go nowhere without their advise. Experience makes us wiser, I believe. And their experience helped us to go on with the flow.

These seniors of ours might have not been great communicators but they were great people. And we are glad that we met them and were a part of this family. For all what they spoke in the two minutes they were given, they touched our hearts. They thanked us and meant each word of it. They were glad that we gave them such a wonderful farewell, and felt the same regret that we did, of having THE COMMUNICATION GAP!

Putting together this farewell, was easy for us. We could easily say goodbye at first. But then, as the farewell got going, it became tough to say goodbye during the course of the farewell. I don't know what emotion filled my heart but I was overwhelmed. I started to like the school, I once hated. I started to feel the love, which I once saw missing. I felt from the bottom of my heart, I regret. And I wish I could redo this.

Blessed us

See the woman screaming out in pain?
See her eyes filled with tears?
See her mouth to dry to speak a few words?
See hands shiver with ill-luck?

See the man on the far off fields?
Who's too old to bend to sow a seed..
Who's eyes are squint to know accuracy..
Who's only reason is his family..

See those children lying in the slums?
See the dreams in their eyes, and no food in their hands?
See their ragged clothes?
See their homes worse than sheds?

Look at them everyday weep and cry,
Look at their lives filled with denial,
Look at their hands craving for help,
And their eyes crying with desire.

And then, take a look at yourself
You are blessed, lucky and still curse,
You have so much but want more,
Don't you know all you have isn't all what everyone have?

We scream, we shout for the pettiest things,
If they were to do the same,
We wouldn't have silence, ever.
This life of yours is blessed.

Admire it, accept it. Don't curse, don't crib. Life's too short to cry. Learn from them and know that pain is hard to digest. Remember, you are blessed!

Moments..

How little they are, but so significant. We catch hold of them and keep them in a box of memories and never let them go. Moments of joy, love, laughter, pleasure, togetherness, happiness, sorrow, defeat, pain. How just one person can make you feel every moment..

Moments we hold dear,
and keep them so near,
they let us not tear apart,
they let us not move on in life,
they make us dream,
they make us want more,
they help us shine,
they are beautiful joys,
They are cute some times,
and sweet other times,
They just make you feel proud at times!
They give you hope,
and show you paths,
They are respected,
and they are unforgettable.

I would fall short of words,
to describe these precious pearls,
All I can say is, they define me,
they shape me, they are just a part on ME!!

So close, but yet so far...

When I met an old friend while travelling back home one afternoon from school, I realised the friend lived so close to my house and yet, I do not know how to make conversation with him now, remembering how we used to never keep our mouths shut when we were together. Then it struck me in the literal sense, SO CLOSE BUT YET SO FAR.

But that's not all to it.
People give up many things in their long journey of life. Some things which they wouldn't want to look back at, some things which they would miss so bad, and some things which weren't meant to be. But when people possessed those things or had those people, they knew it was worth fighting for. They knew it was worth the pain and the struggle, and then one day they give up. Everything vanishes and crumbles to the ground. And people stand there looking like fools at their dreams which they shattered themselves.

Not everyone realise that people fight for reason, if they need something badly. They stand up for it against the world, they scream, but they don't stop supporting. They take all what it needs to happen and try again when they fail to make it happen. But when they lose hope, when they lose reason, when the lose minds, they give it up. All what they fought for, seems senseless. All what they wished, seems useless.

If fighting for it back then was poignant. If you NEEDED it so bad. If you would have gone through all the pain for it. Always remember it is worth it. That thing was wroth the pain, the struggle, the reason and it is still worth it. Gather up all your courage and rise for it again. Believe it in one more time, believe in yourself one more time.

Do all what it takes, but never give up. It is always meant to be yours, if you wish to have it!

True friend forever.....

All my life I have been calling people my best friends, and have given them so much of importance, that in the crowd of best friends I had made, I had lost my true best friend. She was there, just beside me always, and I was too blind to notice that 'Best' can be just one and will always be just one. So this is for her, for always looking out for me.....

Expressions last but not forever,

Memories live but alas fade,

One person out of the crowd remains,

Till the end, till the end.

The boring pages of history,

The not so interesting physics,

The lab experiments(disasters),

Wouldn't have had been fun, without you.

I'm like a dog without direction,

A horse without beauty,

A hare without speed,

When you aren't around.

You are beautiful,

You hold them in your eyes,

while you speak,

And your beauty come from your heart.

This beauty is inspiration,

for people to grow,

from petty thoughts,

And from the crazy mind.

I haven't dreamt of a day without you,

Not a single breath,

Words are worthless,

Without you, without you, WITHOUT you!

Those glorious stories of friendship,

are not just the ones in pages of history,

But are those in your life,

which exist till you perish.

I'm sorry if this sucked and wasn't as good as the rest :P But I love you, best friend !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Growing apart

You were there when I was down,
You were there to wipe away those tears,
You were there to hold my hand,
You were there to show me the way..

But now I am lost,
I can not find my way,
I hide my face in pain,
I speak my thoughts in vain..

Where is this going?
This can't be the end,
I need to hold on,
We need to stay here, together

Till the end of time,
Till death do us apart,
Wasn't this what we promised,
But now we are moving..

Far apart,
Distances speak,
But not so loud,
I can not hear you anymore..

I wish I could relive,
The moments of bliss,
The endless echos of laughter,
The beauty of just being there with you..

It is tough,
Saying goodbye,
But tougher,
To grow apart..

Dedicated to one of my closest friends, who inspired me to write this. :)

Safe and Sound

Lying there under a starry night,
I realize how beautiful the moon is,
But I see through the moon,
I see him, the one that matters the most..

Those eyes which glitter with passion,
Those lips which speak love,
That poise of pride and shimmer,
Everything makes me love..

He protects and loves like a father,
Looks after and cares like a mother,
Fights and forgives like a brother,
The family in one, he is..

Looking out into the open fields,
I wait with my hands so cold,
I kiss the air in absence,
And there he is standing..

Staying close, wrapped in his arms,
Forgetting what the world is around,
Trying to make peace with myself
I stay there safe and sound..

A wonderful night it is,
The weather is even better,
Things may get beautiful
But the beauty of love is forever..

To the only person who matters to me when it gets dark and when I lose reason, I love you.

To the left, there is soulful music by a greatly talented friend, Abhishek :) Do listen to it, while you read..

Holding on..

Over time, everything changes. This is one harsh reality which most people can not digest. What is with people and holding on to the old times, the old traditions, and the old ways of things? This usually happens with the older generation. But as times change, people change, traditions change, norms change, SO YOU NEED TO CHANGE!!

This is to all those people, who find it weird if teenagers walk together on the road. To those people, who think it is disrespectful to not look at them and speak. To those people, who still want girls to be protected way more than boys. To those who want our country to look overly tradition-ed. And to everyone, who can not look beyond the few possibilities they count for themselves.

Too short, but wanted to make a point. :)